...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Holy shit, Tower of Fang actually has some members! Thanks to komikron for these wonderful icons:



Eventually I might get around to making a community banner or something... maybe.

I went to see Alexander with Anne Marie on Sunday night - it's actually the second time I've seen it. I totally blame Granamry and her hilarious 6-part MPREG parody, Daddy's Little Conqueror, for my almost swallowing my icecream spade during that opening line about Hephaestion's thighs.

Spoiler-laden Alexander-related thoughts...

How adorable is the kid that plays Ickle!Alexander? The Cuteometer registers his cuteness at approximately 17 Blakeneys. SEVENTEEN! That's a new record in Cuteness.

Why did the Macedonians have those weird fake Irish accents? I was talking to Anne Marie about this afterwards, and she said it was to show that Macedon and Greece were different in the same way that England and Ireland are different. Which explains why Mary Renault had the Greeks going on about the savage inbreedery of the Macedonians. Anne Marie smacked me for that. Irish people are so oversensitive. *rubs bruised arm ruefully*

Where have I seen that guy playing Black Cleitus before? This is unbelievably annoying.

Anthony Hopkins was in it way too much. Go away, old man. I still haven't forgiven you for the amazingly crappy production of Othello I had to sit through during A Level English. We do not need you to explain everything to us. I am quite capable of following a storyline. Anne Marie commented afterwards that he was completely different to how he was in Hannibal. I couldn't stop laughing, picturing Ptolemy as Hannibal.

That bit at the end, where Ptolemy looks up at the bust of Alexander (which looks nothing like Colin Farrell, by the way, unlike the busts of him and Hephaestion we saw earlier, which actually did resemble the actors) and calls him "Megas Alexandros"? I so heard that as "Mecha Alexandros". I want a giant robot Alexander now. With lasers.

Alexander's wig was pretty bad, but it was his eyebrows that really got to me. It looks like they put power on them to lighten them, and makes him look like he has eyebrow dandruff. It might have worked on someone whose eyebrows didn't dominate their face the way Colin Farrell's do.

"You left your King in Asia!" always makes me shiver. Can't believe Colin Farrell has been nominated for Worst Actor. Actually, I can, since year after year Hollywood gives out awards to the most retarded movies ever. "Oooh, it had no plot and I couldn't understand it! Better give it an award so it looks like I knew what was going on and people will think I am Der Big Interluckytool!" Fucktards. This is why I don't watch award ceremonies. That and it takes about 7 hours for the stuff you actually care about to come on.

Oh Jared Leto. You so pretty. I loved all the scenes he and Colin Farrell had together, but especially the one where he says that Alexander holds his head on one side, and Alexander's all, *embarrassed grin* "I've stopped doing that". But seriously, they were the best aspect of this film (apart from Mecha Alexander, who rocks. *pshoo! pshoo-shoo...shoo...*). The whole thing with the ring made me cry, as did Alexander's scream when Hephaestion dies. Actually, I was welling up all through that balcony scene. I'm such a sucker for prettyboy angst.

The sex scene with Roxanne was So Retarded. What was with the little biting motions? I didn't know whether to laugh or cringe.

Bagoas... well, if I wasn't horribly biased against the homewrecking little tart, I may have found the kiss scene sexalicious. Especially afterwards when he was all, *chestheave* *OMG Colin Farrell I loff joo!eyes* Yeah. That would have been pretty sexy.

Jonathan Rhys-Meyers is so unbelievably ugly. I mean, seriously. So. Ugly. Which fits, because I hate Kassander with a passion. Him and his stupid hair.

Val Kilmer was good as Phillip; Angelina Jolie was fantastic as Olympias, as long as you get past the dodgy accent - although, since the whole film is rife with dodgy accents, you pretty much have to deal with it.

Two things I really could have done without - the scene during the battle with Darius where a man gets his legs sliced off by the blades on the chariot axels, and the elephant that gets his trunk sliced off during the battle in India.

Cutest moment definatly goes to the scene with the monkeys - Alexander is playing with the monkey, and he's examining its hands and he's got this face on that just screams "Awwww lookit the ickle monkeyhands!". Seriously, he's like two seconds away from making the monkey wave at Hephaestion. And Hephaestion's watching this with this indulgent expression and it just makes me all gooey inside.

Oh yeah, and there was some stuff about Prometheus and Oedipus and possibly something about conquering the world, but that pales into insignificance compared to the ickle monkey hands, the ring and Colin Farrell in a miniskirt. Let's get our priorities straight here.

In other news, Jessica's latest money-making scheme involves a business that makes designer clothes/boots/carrying handbags for dogs. Yeah. Seriously. We were talking about what she should call it during lunch today:

Jess: What about "Doggy Desire"?
Alan: Animal porn.
Jess: "Doggy Style"?
Me: Gay porn. Better, but still misleading.
Jess: Yeah, I could have one of those "How Did You Hear About This Site?" things on the checkout.
Me: "Google", "Lycos", "From a friend", "seeking ass-sex".
People at tables around us: *stare*

And finally, more Stick Figure Erik:











I'm still listening to the 2004 soundtrack. Keep telling myself, it's not that Gerrard Butler can't sing, it's that his Phantom has a lot more Raw Emotion. Eventually I may even believe it. Yay for self-delusion!