...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Watching the third season of Leverage. Is it just me or is Lindsey's hair actually feathered at this point? Also, the goatee and excessive use of blusher is making my eyes sad. Highlight so far has been watching him pretending to be a miner/mine safety dude and going into a mine without tying it back. NO, LINDSEY. NO.

Leverage Christmas episode - less epic than the Supernatural or Invader Zim ones, but on par with the two that Bones did before the show started to suck. Also, bonus points for having Lindsey in a Santa costume beating up other, evil Santas.

Well, the Glee finale was boring and lame - I liked Kurt and Minidina singing For Good, but Brittany's "My Cup" basically recycled the joke from My Headband, and of course there was no Sue, so that made everything suck.

On the other hand, Luther is back! Oh Luther! For those of you who haven't heard of it, Luther stars Idris Elba as a stern hot detective who fights crime with the power of being hot and stern, an infalliable sense of JUSTICE, and occasionally dropping serial killers from high places, while being assisted by a sexy red-haired serial killing scientist who believes in LOGIC and DISPASSIONATE REASONING and also stabbing people. They're basically Brennan and Booth's evil twins. It's great.

MY brother was bitching that Luther's wee Scouse boyfriend is a massive step down fron Daddy Winchester, but I quite like Ripley - he's so little and sweet, and okay, not as super-hot as Daddy Winchester, but also less likely to cheat on Idris Elba with the bird from Star Trek and basically plunge the entire series into chaos like in The Losers. Ripley, I approve of you.

Apart from that, I have been watching lots of Numb3rs - I know I bitched and whinged massively about the last episode of season three, but the penultimate episode, where Charlie and Don go to couples therapy together was SO CUTE, OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! And Charlie was like, "I'm not as helpless as people think," and I was like, OH CHARLIE, YOU COMPLETELY ARE, BUT I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ANYWAY! The final season is FINALLY getting released over here next month, yay!

Sigh. I bought popping corn yesterday and I want to go down and make popcorn so I can eat it while I watch more Numb3rs live a rich and fulfilling life, but my Dad is doing his faffing-hen impression in the kitchen so I have to wait eight thousand years for him to finish whatever-the-fuck it is he's up to or risk getting sucked into his maelstrom of inefficiency. WHATEVER!

I have nothing to say. I don't even want to live in this sad, sad world anymore. I am going to Switzerland and getting mercy-killed so that I will no longer be forced to bear witness to this TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE.

KISS MY ASS, COLIN FARREL! I gave you the best movie-watching years of my life and now you betray me by pandering to a bunch of Twilight-loving lackwits. Why don't you just go and get a big cube-shaped head implant and a ridiculous buffount hairstyle and go all the way, you sell-out.

Oh, also I watched that episode of Bones today where Sweets and Daisy get back together, and they were talking about Saved By The Bell and they compared themselves to Screech and Jessie, and while I'm not overly fond of either Sweets or Daisy, I think that was kind of a harsh comparison. I'm just sayin'.

Fuck you Bones, oh my God, just fuck you right in the face!

( SPOILERS! )

Dudes, I am very confused by the Vampire Diaries - why is Stern Hot History Teacher (formerly known as the dude from Wasting Away who ISN'T Wendal in Bones, formerly known as the dude from Tigerland who was in love with Colin Farrel, possibly known to some people as Matt Davis) now a super-old mega-vampire BUT YET AT THE SAME TIME just a regular Stern Hot History Teaching human guy? I cannot tolerate the Stern Hot History Teacher being messed with; he's the only one I like in the show. Damon is only acceptable because of his obvious love for the Stern Hot History Teacher, and everyone else is a non-hot spoontard.

Oh, also, I read this book called Johannes Cabal the Detective - it's basically this snarky German necromancer who bumbles around foiling plots and being snarky and having no morals, assisted by a snarky English Christian lady who bumbles around being snarky and full of morals. I quite like it.

My Year In Fandom:

Your main fandom of the year?
Corey Feldman. Yes, he is a fandom all by himself. Yes he is! Shut the fuck up!

Your favourite film watched this year?
This is hard, there were actually a few really awesome films I discovered this year - Iron Man 2, The Losers, Lost Boys: the Thirst and Monster Squad are all things I saw for the first time in 2010, and they are MARVELLOUS. I'm going to go for the Monster Squad though, because none of the other movies had characters screaming "Kick him in the nards! Kick him in the nards!" at each other.

Your favourite book read this year?
Somebody introduced me to a comic book series called The Boys, which is pretty much Watchmen for people who didn't think Watchmen was sick and wrong enough. It is fucking hilarous.

Your favourite album or song to listen to this year?
Every year I buy a couple of those Halloween-themed albums. For 2010, I got a triple CD set that includes the theme from True Blood, Bad Moon Rising, Shewolf by Shakira and Duran Duran's Hungry Like The Wolf. Pure awesome, you guys.

Your favourite TV show of the year?
Glee. I haven't been online enough in 2010 for my flist to witness me getting appropriately squeeful about it, but OH GOD, it is wonderful!

Your favourite LJ community of the year?
The community itself is pretty much dead, but Lost Boys Slash did lead me to the LJ of redeyedfeline, and in turn to some EPIC Frogcest.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
White Collar. Seriously guys, even gayer than LJ made it out to be. Plus Jonesy from Carnivale being stern and manly with the younger, prettier clone of Simon from Firefly.

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?
The fifth season of Bones. I can't really point to one particular thing that made it sucktarded, but the whole season just left me kind of, "Meh."

Your TV boyfriend of the year?
Tesla from Sanctuary. OH HE IS SO MARVELOUSLY SNITTY I WANT TO LICK HIS FACE!

Your TV girlfriend of the year?
Shego from Kim Possible. Yes, I know she wasn't on the air in 2010, but this is when I got the season 1 and 2 DVDs and also when her greatness helped me recover from a traumatic incident involving a naked Corey Haim, so she still counts.

Your biggest squee moment of the year?
Edgar and Alan's hug at the end of The Thirst. OH GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE!

The most missed of your old fandoms?
The 4400. Seeing Joel Gresch be manly yet earnest in V really underscored how much I missed seeing him be manly yet earnest in a show where everyone else wasn't a total fucking retard and the bits that weren't occupied by Joel Gresch being manly yet earnest were focused on Jordan and Shawn having EPIC GAY LOVE. OH JOEL GRESCH. OH JORDAN. OH SHAWN.

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
Leverage. I've only just seen season one, but already I suspect there is quite a lot of fic surrounding Lindsey's crush on Hardison. Hopefully this time his affections will involve less plastic hands and people being mowed down in the pickup truck of unrequited love.

Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?
I am quite looking forward to seeing Colin Farrel and Jailbait!Chekov face off against each other in the Fright Night remake. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies are bound to be completely wonderful. Also, there had better be a Lost Boys 4 and possibly a spin-off TV series too.

Christmas Eve-Day... both an Eve and a Day... it's a Christmas miracle!

I AM ALIVE! If you imagined me saying that in the voice of Sarah from Hocus Pocus, you are exactly right, except I am not wearing quite such a cleavage-enhancing outfit at this moment.

Long story short, back in January, I apparently made God super angry with me and as a result he punished me by giving me a new cuntface of a manager and a hideous Bernard Manning/Sloth/Cave Troll hybrid agent in the same week, and then my laptop broke a little bit but I was already really tense and impatient so I Hulksmashed it into a wall and then it was somewhat more than a little bit broken and by then I had become addicted to freebase crack in order to deal with Cuntrag and Bernard so all my spare money went on that rather than getting a new laptop BUT! Now I have a new manager and a team of mostly-humans and so I have cleaned myself up and YAY INTARNETS!

By the way, some of that last paragraph was totally a lie, but unfortunately the bit about a coworker who resembles the lovechild of Bernard Manning, Sloth and the Cave Troll from the first Lord of the Rings movie is factually accurate. I didn't actually become a junkie, but only because I don't know where to get drugs from.

ANYWAY! Oh my God dudes, I just watched the last season of Heroes and it almost half-way did not suck. I estimate that I was not actively annoyed for at least 60% of the time. Also, Sylar would be fine if he just concentrated on being bitchy instead of trying and failing to be a badass killer dude. Adam Monroe completely needs to be some kind of crime-fightin' lawyer guy with an insane hatred of Quantum Leap. I would totally watch that. Maybe he can joined Major Lorne in the world of "Bones crossovers that are not real but totally should be". I think an Adam Monroe/Hodgins snark-off would make the world a million times better.

Hmm, what else... oh, the Vampire Diaries is pretty lame. Stern Hot History Teacher (formerly known as The Guy From Tigerland That Isn't Colin Farrell) is hot and stern, and Damon is fun in a super low-budget version of Angelus kind of way. Everyone else is retarded though.

I have not seen the Lost Boys 3 yet - I bet it is beautiful though. Nobody tell me different, okay? Also, Colin Farrell is going to be a vampire in a Fright Night remake next year and his enemy is going to be Jailbait Checkov from the new Star Trek movie - that does not seem like a fair fight to me. It's like pitting Micheal Jackson against Darth Vader.

That's pretty much it - as you can all see, I didn't go away and develop any kind of life while I was interwebsless. In fact, I pretty much just watched more TV and movies and thought about what kind of TV and movies I would like to see in the future. In case you were wondering, they still mostly involve Daddy Winchester, Colin Farrell, or werewolves. Or some combination thereof.

Oh, except also now I want a show in which Shatner and Tori Spelling fight crime in space, and The Dave is the main villian. Every episode will either end with Shatner waving his fists in the air and yelling "THE DAAAAAAAVEEEEE!" or a close-up shot of The Dave's evilly shifting eyes with an ominous music track playing in the background. I haven't put any werewolves or Daddy Winchesters in there yet. I don't think Daddy Winchester and The Dave would approve of each other. I just feel it in my soul.

Thank God it is the weekend! I am going to eat approximately fourteen-five cakes and try to push aside the sense of dread that has been steadily growing in me since I learned that an agent universally referred to in Helpermonkey meetings as "that fucking Cave Troll" will be joining my team on Monday. SO UNFAIR! Seriously dudes, you might think I'm being harsh, but if I was to show you her picture, I guarantee the first words that sprang unbidden into your minds would be "WHO'S THAT TRIP-TRAPPING OVER MY BRIDGE?!" Ugh. If I disappear, she has either eaten me or forced me to take my own life in order to avoid the horror of dealing with her Cave Trollish fucktardery.

Anyway, moving on, here is a list of things that are beautiful:

• I have awesome werewolf shoes. They are awesome. I cannot walk in them, but this is hardly a deciding factor when rating their werewolfy beauty. I like to put them on and admire them while I eat my tea. Then I take them off when I need to get up, for their heels are very high and skinny.
  
  
• So NoTORIous is wonderful. Yes it is. Yes, it is. SHUT UP NO JUDGING!
  
  
• Twist is possibly the most perfect movie ever. I cannot express how much more complete my life feels after seeing Beautiful Nick Stahl perform oral sex on his own brother.*
  
  
• OH GOD I LOVE BOSTON LEGAL! I sort of a little bit knew this before, just in a casual passing way, but after watching all five seasons in a bit over a month, it's like my love has been BORN ANEW!
  
  
• Also, OH GOD THE OLD STAR TREK SERIES! I got it and Boston Legal and I wasn't going to get the movies because I was like, "Probably that is enough William Shatnet," but clearly I forgot the most important rule - there is never enough William Shatner. Trufax. Anyways, then I watched that first episode with Khan in, where at the end Kirk randomly gives him a planet and Spock is like, "I really hope this doesn't come back to haunt us in some horrible yet totally forseeable way," and Kirk is all, "Don't be crazy, this is my best plan yet - I mean, when have eugenics ever hurt anybody?" and Spock is like, "Um..." and I was like OH MY GOD I MUST WATCH WRATH OF KHAN OR PROBABLY I WILL CATCH ON FIRE OR SOMETHING ELSE BAD!
  
  
• I am watching Bones. OH ZACK! I love you so much. I wish you would come back to us - Zombie Wendell and Vino Delectable are not as much fun as you. I just watched the one with the dead astronaut dude, and Zack is a teensy bit doubting about the existence of aliens, and Hodgins gets really snippy about it and is all, "You should know this, being half alien yourself," and Zack makes this really awesome bitchface that is awesome and bitchy. Also that bit where he gives some random facts to Evil Cam and she is all, "How did you know that?" and he replies "My knowledge is vast," without even the slightest hint of irony, OH ZACK HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME?!
  
  
• I have the last season of Avatar, yay! I haven't watched it yet, so shush, but I bet it is lovely. I wish I was a flying bison. I would totally bite people and trample their houses and then fly off laughing meanly.
  
  
• It is Thursday. The weekend is here! Release the hounds! And by "hounds" I mean "cakes"!
  
  
• Also I have Watchmen! I didn't watch it yet, but it has Daddy Winchester smoking a cigar! What could be finer?!

*Actually, it was more implied, but still, incest AND Beautiful Nick Stahl being beautiful and anguished? That's pretty beautiful.

Okay, which of you 'tards (apart from Snithy, obviously) voted for Edward Cullen? Get off my LJ. I can't have more than one insane, non-taste-having friend.

Also, today I accidently called everyone at work stupid. I say "accidently" because I said it to their faces, not because I didn't mean it. They are, in the main, very stupid.

I just watched Pain in the Heart and OH ZACK! Bones, why must you hurt me so?