...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

The hug! THE HUG! Andandand he has Alan's dog tags hanging up in his trailer! And "Don't monologue!" And Gwen being all sexy with the Lara Croft outfit and Zoe being all cute in the stompy boots and pleated miniskirts, and it's also haunted by cannibal pirates and HE CLICKED ORDAIN ME and Peter was all, "What the fuck?" and then BURNINATING and did I mention THE HUG OH MY GOD?! *bouncing forever*

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Oh Lost Boys, how are you so amazing? If only there was a sequel... oh wait, there is! Happy dance, bitches - next up, it's time for X-treme Sports Vampires, aka Lost Boys: The Tribe.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Hypothetically, if I wished that a natural disaster were to strike Egypt in the next few days, purely on the off-chance that the Faffing Hen were to be horribly killed while holidaying there, is that going too far? Probably an entire country does not need to be devastated by some kind of horrible doom just because my father is a FUCKING ASSHOLE and happens to be in the vicinity. I can wait until he comes back and then cut the brakelines on his fucking car. I don't even know where the brakelines are, but I will find the instruction manual, look it up and CUT THE SHIT OUT OF HIS BRAKELINES.

Ugh. ( Read more... )

Anyway, on a lighter note, oh hay Frogcest. Yay!

I went to see Fright Night yesterday. FAILED SO HARD, you guys. I think Colin Farrell and I are now on the path to major, final breakup. The dialogue wasn't funny or clever, the comedic timing was way off (and jesus, you have the Tenth Doctor, the star of In Bruges, and Red Mist all playing major roles, how do you get all three of them to somehow not be hilarious?) there was no plot to speak of and basically everyone was a complete window-licking dullard. Also, Jerry semephored that he was a vampire so hard, that even if you were the kind of person who automatically discounts "oh, he's a vampire" as an explanation for neighbour-based weirdness, you would still think he was a massive creeposaurus.

Also, Colin Farrell's vampire form was this massive fake-head thing that make him look like the kid from Battle Dib. Every time he turned into it, part of me was expecting him to start screaming "SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNKKKK!" and beating Jailbait Chekov with an over-sized cotton wool bud. The only bits that raised a smile was whenever Jerry got really badly injured, he would do this weird "epilectic on meth" seizure dance thing.

At least it was only an hour and a half long. Even so, it felt like marathoning all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings back-to-back, except for the bit where Lord of the Rings was entertaining. What a waste of talent - in the time they used filming this piece of shit, Colin Farrell and David Tennant could have made one decent film each. That's two decent films that will never get made now. Red Mist and Jailbait Chekov could probably have made something less epicly retarded.

And yes, this is coming from someone who rates Lost Boys 3: the Thirst as a solid three out of five. Well done, Colin Farrell - you just rated lower than a straight-to-video Corey Feldman movie. You must be so proud.

There was a trailer for this new Hugh Jackman movie that appears to be about Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots. I do not understand. Tintin looks shit, the Puss in Boots movie looks superfluous, and for some reason Disney is showing the Lion King in 3D and marketing it as "for the first time ever!" Christ, just admit that you've run out of ideas, Disney. Paranormal Whatever 3 looks like an over-long cut of the Bloody Mary episode of Supernatural, and the new Sherlock Holmes movie looks alright.

In other news, I have been catching up on Carnivale - the creepiest thing about Evander Geddes isn't that he suffocates little kids with plaster of paris just so he can take casts of their death agonies - it's that bit where he explains to Ben that his objective is "to capture the soul". Because in Carnivale, that is TOTALLY FEASIBLE. Urgh!

I have been watching the Shield, too - thus far, I rate it "quite good." Possibly I will write more when I know people's names. So far all I know is CCH Pounder, who is in everything. She is a police lady. She does police things. Her partner is kind of a spaz, but is quite good at detectoring. There is a bald man. The bald man is basically in charge. He has three little friends who are like his Crime Army. There's another dude who I think is supposed to be in charge, but everyone hates him and likes the bald man best. The other dude is pretty sour about it. CCH Pounder and her spaz-detecting friend don't seem to care either way - they just like to detect stuff. I don't know. I might be wrong.

What the fuck was that, Supernatural?!

I mean, at first I was quite amused by the fact that even Sam and Dean realise that Twilight is for spackers (take heed, Colin Farrell - at this moment, that means that Sam and Dean are cleverer than you!) and I took a moment to be horrified at the idea of a vampire Justin Bieber, spreading shitty music and ridiculous hair through his infectious bite, and to laugh at the whole "are you wearing glitter?" exchange, but then ( Read more... )

Also, is it just me or is Jared Padalecki's head even more massively over-sized than it was last year? His forehead is so big now, he's a bigger slaphead than the actual bald X-Files guy. Either his head is getting bigger, or his body is shrinking, possibly because his spine is slowly crumbling under the pressure of supporting his gigantic skull. Oh my God, he's hideous, why did they ever bring him back? If he'd stayed in hell, it could just be Dean and his guitar-leg from now on.

Misty and grey today. Will take advantage of the not-very-nice weather and go sort out my season pass for the steam train (yes, we have buses on the Rock, but they are slow, stinky and full of filthy flipperhanded monstrosities, much like buses in England, so if I want to go anywhere and it doesn't matter what time I arrive, I take the steam train instead) then perhaps home to light the fire in the playroom and finish up Summer Knight. Or maybe rewatch Constantine, who knows?

Good thing about the gloomy weather is that I have an excuse to wear my Frog Brothers t-shirt, which a) proclaims my greatness to the world at large for having such taste and b) hides my embarrassingly stripey sunburn from said world.

Oh my God dudes, I love being an unemployed, living-at-home mega-ugly-losertron!

Today I got up and my dad made me this, like, BUCKET of coffee. Then I sat outside on the steps drinking it, watching the sun and the ocean and playing with my cat, Fatnorange. Then I went upstairs and sat in the huge bay window of my room, overlooking the harbour, and read comic books and listened to music for the rest of the morning.

My mum and I had lunch in a little tapas bar in a village a few miles away, and then I went for a three hour walk around the coastal footpaths, and then I bought some blueberries at the local farmers co-op, and then I came back home.

My brothers got back about half an hour ago and they have given me this as a welcome home present. My dad has lit the pot-bellied stove in the playroom and I'm sitting in front of it wearing my t-shirt and writing this and eating my blueberries.

Fatnorange is trying to get me to play with him now, so I have to go, but dudes, seriously, I don't even know why I stayed at the House of Gas for so long. Man I am a spoontard!

Oh my God, you guys! I have officially THE GREATEST SIBLINGS EVER! Not only do I now have three - count them, three! - Monster Squad mugs, I also have a Frog Brothers one! I squealed, I cried, I licked Corey Feldman's face. Then I choked due to this little nugget:

Jonathan: Sorry it's just the little baby Frogs instead of the grown-up ones from the new movie.
Froodle: No, it's awesome-
William: We were going to get them as old people for you, but the guy with the headband's sword was too big.
Froodle: Seriously, you guys, this is awes- wait, what?
Jonathan: Yeah, in all the pictures from the new one, he's got his sword out and it takes up like two thirds of the shot - we couldn't get it to fit on the mug.
Froodle: *giggles*
Buzz: That sword is fucking stupid, it's like twice as big as he is, whenever they're in a scene together the other dude has to stand behind him so he doesn't get poked.
Froodle: *splutters*
Jonathan: Yeah, he's like, "Oh sorry Corey Feldman, I guess I just won't be in half of the movie because your RIDICULOUSLY HUGE WEAPON is blocking me from the camera! Have fun fighting the vampires on your own, God!"
Froodle: *iz ded*

My Year In Fandom:

Your main fandom of the year?
Corey Feldman. Yes, he is a fandom all by himself. Yes he is! Shut the fuck up!

Your favourite film watched this year?
This is hard, there were actually a few really awesome films I discovered this year - Iron Man 2, The Losers, Lost Boys: the Thirst and Monster Squad are all things I saw for the first time in 2010, and they are MARVELLOUS. I'm going to go for the Monster Squad though, because none of the other movies had characters screaming "Kick him in the nards! Kick him in the nards!" at each other.

Your favourite book read this year?
Somebody introduced me to a comic book series called The Boys, which is pretty much Watchmen for people who didn't think Watchmen was sick and wrong enough. It is fucking hilarous.

Your favourite album or song to listen to this year?
Every year I buy a couple of those Halloween-themed albums. For 2010, I got a triple CD set that includes the theme from True Blood, Bad Moon Rising, Shewolf by Shakira and Duran Duran's Hungry Like The Wolf. Pure awesome, you guys.

Your favourite TV show of the year?
Glee. I haven't been online enough in 2010 for my flist to witness me getting appropriately squeeful about it, but OH GOD, it is wonderful!

Your favourite LJ community of the year?
The community itself is pretty much dead, but Lost Boys Slash did lead me to the LJ of redeyedfeline, and in turn to some EPIC Frogcest.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
White Collar. Seriously guys, even gayer than LJ made it out to be. Plus Jonesy from Carnivale being stern and manly with the younger, prettier clone of Simon from Firefly.

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?
The fifth season of Bones. I can't really point to one particular thing that made it sucktarded, but the whole season just left me kind of, "Meh."

Your TV boyfriend of the year?
Tesla from Sanctuary. OH HE IS SO MARVELOUSLY SNITTY I WANT TO LICK HIS FACE!

Your TV girlfriend of the year?
Shego from Kim Possible. Yes, I know she wasn't on the air in 2010, but this is when I got the season 1 and 2 DVDs and also when her greatness helped me recover from a traumatic incident involving a naked Corey Haim, so she still counts.

Your biggest squee moment of the year?
Edgar and Alan's hug at the end of The Thirst. OH GOD THEY ARE SO CUTE!

The most missed of your old fandoms?
The 4400. Seeing Joel Gresch be manly yet earnest in V really underscored how much I missed seeing him be manly yet earnest in a show where everyone else wasn't a total fucking retard and the bits that weren't occupied by Joel Gresch being manly yet earnest were focused on Jordan and Shawn having EPIC GAY LOVE. OH JOEL GRESCH. OH JORDAN. OH SHAWN.

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
Leverage. I've only just seen season one, but already I suspect there is quite a lot of fic surrounding Lindsey's crush on Hardison. Hopefully this time his affections will involve less plastic hands and people being mowed down in the pickup truck of unrequited love.

Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?
I am quite looking forward to seeing Colin Farrel and Jailbait!Chekov face off against each other in the Fright Night remake. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter and Pride and Prejudice and Zombies are bound to be completely wonderful. Also, there had better be a Lost Boys 4 and possibly a spin-off TV series too.

Okay, I am home for Christmas, so I have beautiful unlimited access, at last for the next six days.

The following things are super-important:

• Frogcest. There should be more of it. If you are doing something other than writing Alan/Edgar porn right now, you are making me sad. Seriously dudes, you're like full-on ruining my holiday spirit.
  
• Leverage. Lindsey McDonald doing a bizarre impersonation of Daddy Winchester should be massively cringe-inducing, but somehow it is endearing in a sick-and-wrong kind of way.
  
• White Collar. If anything, this show is actually GAYER than the internet made it out to be. I love White Collar forever and ever.
  
• Santuary. This is mostly average, except for Tessla, who is FABULOUS. He is like, 2.83 times more awesome than Damon fromt he Vampire Diaries, which is quite awesome.
  
• Monster Squad. OH MY GOD YOU GUYS WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS MOVIE?! I am so in love with this film it is crazed. Also, Andre Gower is exactly what would happen if Keifer Sutherland and River Phoenix had a baby. Trufax.

Anyway, my brother is yelling for me to come down to dinner, so I am going now. WRITE MOAR FROGCEST! I will be back... whenever.