...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Thief Lord porn! With Princess Bride references, no less. Liam Neeson loves me, yes he does.

Watched Master & Commander this evening; I'd forgotten how much I adore that film, even if it is basically Tom Pullings' wet dream. The jokes, my God, the appalling yet hysterically funny jokes. Stephen being a pissy little bitch. Ickle Midshipman Blakeney, aww! The sealion that says "Argh!" Jack slagging off whalers in front of the head whaler dude. Poor, sad Tom and his unrequited Jacklove. Killick's cantankerous mutterings. Random appearence by a hobbit. And did I mention, the jokes? I thought I was going to die during that last scene; poor Stephen is handling his disappointment remarkably well for someone who is, as previously mentioned, a pissy little bitch, and Jack has to go and make that remark about flightless birds not going anywhere - it's hil-fucking-hairy-house, as we used to say back in college,

SWAT is the cinematographic equivilent of the Reeses Peanut Butter Cup; sure, if that was all you ate, you'd eventually die of malnutrition, but damn if it isn;t just about the yummiest thing on the face of the earth. Colin Farrell being hot, kicking ass and having his trademark pointy hair, with side orders of Jeremy Renner and LL Cool J, topped off with Samuel L Jackson being awesome and French people being beaten up - it's pretty much the ultimate snack food... I mean movie.

Dissapointed with Intermission, though; I mean, Cillian Murphy and Colin Farrell in the same film should be a recipe for sexy Irish goodness, but the entire movie left me feeling kind of "meh". I suspect Colin's lack of hair contributed considerably to my low opinion.

Tigerland and Alexander are still awesome, and of course, A Home at the End of the World remains one of the most beautiful, moving, and altogether excellent films I have ever seen. Dallas Roberts is awesome, and should totally do more stuff; I was so excited when I saw him in the trailer for Walk the Line, and so gutted that he didn't have a bigger part. But then, I was busy being traumatised by Larry from Buffy playing Marshall Grant, so maybe I wouldn't have noticed.

People who think that Murdoch is better than Face are cripples, puppy-eaters and probably French, and they will be damned to an eternal Hell by Liam Neeson for their crimes. So there.

In other news, I do not get the point of Russia. Maybe it's one of those things non-Americans don't understand, but I don't see why they're always the big threat in movies. I mean, why? Russia's crap. Sure, they have loads of palaces and whatever with all that gold bling, but the weather's shit and the general population is poor. All anyone ever does there is drink strong liquor and eat potatoes. It's basically Ireland with less leprechauns.

Russia fails at life.

I fucking hate 9am lectures. I never take anything in, because my brain is too tired to function, and then it fucks up the rest of my day because I end up falling asleep around five in the afternoon and grr, it's all very bad.

In other, totally irrelevent news, OHMYFUCKINGGODBUCKYO'HAREONDVDSQUEE! Johnny and I used to watch this all the time when we were kids; he even had the Toad Croaker and Bucky action figures. Sparked off a long conversation about 80's TV in general, and the Raggydolls in particular.

You guys remember the Raggy Dolls, right? "Raggydolls, Raggydolls, made imperfectly; Raggydolls, Raggydolls, dolls like you and me!" etc. They were faulty toys that weren't fit to be sold and they all lived in the Reject Bin and at night they came to life and had adventures.

Except Claude. Seriously, what was the deal with Claude? See, I reckon he came off the assembly line, and Mr Grimes looked at him and was like, "You're French! Get in the fucking Reject Bin!" and Claude was all, "Non!" and Mr Grimes was like, "Get in there, Frenchie!" and Claude was all, *le sorrow du francais*, whereas Johnny insists it's because Claude was gay and he was trying to get all the workmen dolls (you know, the ones like Back-to-Front but... not backwards) to form a Raggydoll Village People and Mr Grimes was all, "You'll not be stealing the dresses of any more Princess dolls, young fella me lad!". Which is actually what happened to Princess's dress and tiara. So, we end up with something like:

J: But he wore a scarf! A scarf... of Gayness!
F: That's because he's French! All French people wear scarves. It's to protect their onion necklaces from the heat of the sun.
J: No, it's to cover the lovebite Hifi gave him the night before!
F: Raggydolls don't have proper mouths, they can't suck... Oh, God.
J: *pisses self*
F: And what about Lucy, ewww...
J: OMG orifices!
F: It wouldn't be like skullfucking, it'd be like...
J: Neckfucking!
*incoherent laughter*

It went on like this for quite a while, but the general conclusions we got out of it were:

1) Sadsack is the bastard lovechild of Eeyore and a horny Gingerbreadman, and it is impossible to say "gingerbread penis" without laughing
2) Hifi is the forerunner of Carlimir from Van Helsing
3) Back-to-Front is a womanizer
4) Dotty is a dominatrix, and Princess is her wench
5) Claude is gay and French and wants to get into Hifi's pants
6) It is perfectly acceptable to put someone in the reject bin because they're French, and in fact, we should do it more often
7) Lucy is the whore of the Raggydollverse
8) You could get away with a lot in kid's TV in the 80's

I'm feeling talkative today.

Jason Issacs would make a kick-ass Sherlock Holmes. Mmm, caustic. Now all I have to do is cast the other characters, steal a script from someone, kidnap a film crew, hijack a studio and bribe, blackmail and otherwise cajole my actors into working for me.

Also, the Scarlet Pimpernel's name is Lord Blakeney. Okay, it's Percy Blakeney and he's got two arms, but still, it seems everyone's favourite midshipman has famous relatives.

I have two seminars tomorrow and have done work for neither of them. Let me see: European law vs the Scarlet Pimpernel...

Maybe the Scarlet Pimpernel can kidnap my lecturer for me. She's French. That would be neat.