...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

I had my last Jurisprudence seminar today. I'm going to miss it like crazy next semester. Today's topics of discussion:

1) Americans don't have jurisprudence. They just steal it from us and add some references to baseball and the holes in doughnuts to make it sound more American.

2) American chocolate tastes foul and makes you fatter than English or Canadian chocolate. Someone somewhere is rubbing their hands together and laughing evilly.

3) Probably not George Bush, though, since he lacks the intellectual capacity needed for evil laughter.

4) We miss Bill Clinton. His scandals were funny.

5) If George Bush got a blowjob in the White House, he still wouldn't get kicked out; people would just say it made him more human. Also, said blowjob would probably be from Tony Blair.

6) Hercules is merely a device for injecting some homoerotic subtext into work that would otherwise just be baseball analogies and doughnut holes.

7) Whether Colin Farrell as Alexander is better than Brad Pitt as Achilles (a fairly even split on this, although we agree unanimously that Orlando Bloom as Paris sucks and that the fight scene between him and Redbeard was hilarious: "Oh shit, crows!")

Jonathan and I have invented a shiny new sport - tandam television watching. Watch TV with your loved ones even when you're miles apart! Basically, both parties get in front of their respective TV's and have the other party on speakerphone.

We've been trying it out all afternoon, and I'm proud to report it's a resounding sucess. I mean, how else am I going to get the chance to squeal 'Aw, he wants sex!' during that one scene in the Bruce Partington Plans and have Jonathan instantly know what I mean without us being in the same room?

Incidentally though, 'the Bruce Partington Plans' is not anywhere like as slashy as 'The Devil's Foot'. "I thought I knew my Watson," all together now, awww!

The debate of the day relates to Holmes' oyster rant in 'The Dying Detective'; I maintain that that speech would be funny no matter who said it (leaving aside obvious hideously unfunny exceptions like Hugh Grant, Graham Norton and all Americans, especially Jim Carrey), while Jonathan claims that nobody could be as funny as Jeremy Brett in that scene. All votes will be considered, except those that disagree with me.

Incidentally, does Holmes have some condition where he can't just say 'Mycroft'? All the way through the Bruce Partington Plans he refers to him as 'my brother Mycroft'. It gets annoying after a while.

You know, I really should be revising. I'm in very real danger of failing my exams this year. Oops.

Finally, the fucking thing works.

Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century dvds arrived today. You know, if I was in charge of putting out two four-episode dvds for a 26 episode series, I sure as hell wouldn't put the same episode on two of them.

Then again, I wouldn't call my company 'DIC'.

Anyway, it's most amusing. Holmes is such a brat. "Don't listen to the robot, it's delusional!". Must find a way to work that into a conversation at some point. And also: "We'll get you a new compudroid." ... "I don't want a new compudroid, I want Watson!" I can see where the slashiness comes from, even if it disturbs me to the blackend depths of my soul.

All in all, just what I needed to shake off the sheer frighteningness of 'The Last sherlock Holmes Story'. Urgh.

Also saw 'Without a Clue' on Sky - must send Johnny a tape of it. I'm sure he'll relish Sherlock Holmes falling off a balcony - I know I did.

The drug dealing ice-cream van is pissing me off - it's been past like five times today. Nobody eats that much fucking ice-cream!

Well, maybe the Americans.