...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Dudes, Outrageous Fortune is so good, I am completely amazed by both its non-shoddiness and its entire lack of ridiculous facepaint and zombie sheep. Also, Antonia Prebble can actually act* (and is a bit hot too), the psycho peadophile bootcamp instructor who debauches Lex is kind of awesome and likable and not a creepy violent child-molester at all and Van is so adorable, oh my God, there should be a show that is just Van and Munter running around being stoned and ineffective and beautiful.

Also, and totally unrelated, Jared Leto so needs a new show. He's pretty, and all of my favourite shows have either ended or started to suck in the not-fun way, and his band is fucking awful, so clearly he needs to be back on television. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of myself and El Snithador, we have been unable to come up with the perfect vehicle for Jared Leto's particular brand of prettiness and indeterminate acting abilities.

I think the problem is that the stuff he's been in doesn't really give us a handle on what he can and can't do. I mean, let's break down Jared Leto's key strengths, as demonstrated in his most memorable roles:

• My So-Called Life: He plays Jordan Catalano, a role that consists of leaning against things and making goo-goo eyes at Claire Danes. Oh, and Brian in that one really strange episode where the show went all Cyrano on us.
  
• American Psycho: Christian Bale hits him in the face with an axe. Everyone laughs. Yes, it was fucking hilarious, but it seems like Batbale did all the work in that scene.
  
• Alexander: He wears a lot of eyeliner and follows Colin Farrell around while gazing at him in adoration. This isn't actually acting at all, as everyone has that reaction to Colin Farrell. Don't believe me? Watch the extras, Oliver Stone does the exact same thing every time Colin is on set.

So, what we need is a show that allows him to be pretty and a bit gay, without having to keep up with any actors who are prettier or more talented than him and without requiring to do anything too difficult, like excessive emoting or long speeches. I've also ruled out the following things:

• No shows about vampires. There's no point doing anything with vampires while True Blood is on the air, because Alan Ball is just going to laugh at us and pee in our faces. If this was a couple of years ago when all we had to contend with was Moonlight and Blood Ties, it would be different, but True Blood will outclass us and make us look bad.
  
• No shows with Colin Farrell, Johnny Depp, Antonio Banderas, the Dave or Daddy Winchester. They're all hotter and/or better at acting than Jared, and that's not allowed.
  
• No shows about werewolves. Jared is a girly pretty-boy, and there have been enough non-manly werewolves in the past without him adding to their degradation.

Anything else is fair game, and so I open the floor to suggestions. Jared fights crime? Jared does crime? Jared is in space? Pitch your ideas in the comments, post them in your own LJ, make them an entry on 30SecondsToMarsSuckMonkeyBalls: go nuts! Let's start the Jared Leto TV Revival, and bring passable good looks and mediocre talent back to our screens where he belongs!

*Michelle Ang, however, cannot.

So, today I'm sat there watching Miracles (shut up, I am not obsessed with Skeet Ulrich, I have just... developed a slight appreciation for him that I didn't have before) and dudes. Dudes! The guy playing Alva Keel is that crazy government dude who tries to set up Batbale's character in Equilibrium - not the guy played by my least favourite smug fuckwit Taye Diggs, I mean the one who was Father's Voice but then actually it turned out he was the secret king all along! And then I was watching Scream (shut up!) and I got to thinking about who would win in a fight between Batbale and Skeet Ulrich, and okay, in a serial killin' contest, clearly Batbale, but if there really was an Apocalypse, Skeet would be all, fixin' tractors and putting out fires and saving the day using only SALT and JAMES REMAR, and Batbale would be all like, "Le fuck! The economy is destroyed and without my money I actually can't do anything!" and Skeet Ulrich would laugh and kick some radioactive Denver Dust in his face.

Also, Sheriff Constantino is such a beardy fucking retard. He's all like, oh no, George Hearst, you can't have Skeet Ulrich and your other loser son back, because I'm the Secret King of Kansas, and George Hearst is like, I think you should give me Skeet and Reject Son back, and Sheriff Constantino is like, I said no, and I'm like, FUCK YOU SHERIFF CONSTANTINO, IS GEORGE HEARST GONNA HAVE TO CHOP SOME FINGERS?! BECAUSE HE'S DONE IT TO BADDER BADASSES THAN YOU, MY BEARDY FRIEND! And then George Hearst is like, Tank! For you! In your face! and that's no more than he deserves.

Oooh, lookie what I nicked from imbeiaiel:

Comment and I'll ...

1. Tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
2. Tell you what celebrity/public/fictional person you remind me of, either personality-wise or looks-wise.
3. Give you one word that I associate with you when I think of you.
4. Tell you what colour(s) I associate with you.

Most productive day yesterday: whilst noodling 'round Borders waiting for friends to show up, discovered that they have At Last got more copies of POTO in. So YAY Eriky goodness for me. Also bought Inkheart by Cordelia Funke and Dracula 2001, which while being a terrible film, has the dual redeeming features of Johnny 'Sulky McByronpants' Lee Miller and Gerard 'Mister Sexypants Phantom' Butler.

Plus Virgin didn't have Reign of Fire or American Psycho. Le pout.

Also, in amazingly unFroodlish display of willpower, managed to resist buying their only copy of Dario Argento's Phantom of the Opera , despite urgings of nefarious companions. My newly-forged iron will LAUGHS IN THEIR FACES. Then it runs out of Virgin and away from temptation.

All lectures were cancelled today, so decided to make cauliflower cheese (very tasty), play with Thlayli (fully clothed, to prevent a repeat of the Underwear Incident), and read Neal Stephenson's "Quicksilver" (would probably enjoy it more if I hadn't seen Escaflowne, and therefore prone to imagining Issac Newton as a floating head with a beard full of rollers and also to muttering "You killed Folken!" at random moments).

In other news, finally got to see the new Sherlock Holmes film that aired over Christmas... ( Read more... )