...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Writing covering letters for your CV is hard and boring. Let's talk about the Shield instead!

So, this is where I am up to:

• the Sour Dude, who was supposed to be the main boss except everyone voted for the Bald Man because they love him best, send an Evil Blond Spy to take down the Bald Man.
  
  
• Luckily Zito from Miami Vice warned the Bald Man that the Evil Blond Spy was a robot, so the Bald Man shot him.
  
  
• The Bald Man's boyfriend (who is Boyd Crowder, check it out, I learnt another name!) is really upset that the Bald Man killed a guy, I guess because he doesn't know that the Evil Blond Spy was a robot or something. So Boyd is all sad and stuff, and the Bald Man is just like, "Get over it."
  
  
• Poor Boyd Crowder can't even talk to anyone else about his Evil Blond Spy-killing angst, because the other two guys in Bald Man's Crime Army (I will call them "Tall" and "Quiet") don't know about it.
  
  
• Sour Dude pretty much knows that the Bald Man took out the Evil Blond Spy, but he can't prove anything, so he just goes around being dead sour at the Bald Man, who is like, "Whatever."
  
  
• Zito is also pretty mad at the Bald Man for shooting the robot, but he can't do anything because he's the Bald Man's slave or something.
  
  
• The Girl One's partner is gay, but he doesn't want to be so he is doing that crazy Gayness Cure thing they have in America. The Girl One is like, "That's crazy and it doesn't work, haven't you seen that episode of South Park?" but I guess Gayness Cure doesn't watch South Park because he isn't listening.
  
  
• In the meantime, CCH Pounder's friend is in love with the Girl One (she's the only girl in the show except for CCH Pounder, and so far she hasn't done anything to distinguish herself other than be a girl, so her name is the Girl One for now) but the Girl One is already having a secret affair with the Bald Man, so she's like, "Go away."
  
  
• So CCH Pounder's friend is trying to be the Bald Man's main enemy, but he's pretty rubbish at everything except being a detective, so the Bald Man mostly just thinks he's weird and vaguely annoying. CCH Pounder is basically like, "Stop trying to be enemies with the Bald Man, you'll just end up being the Lindsey and then you'll be killed by a karoke-singing green demon and everyone will laugh at you" but her friend isn't listening so she put poo in his desk. I think if someone had cared enough to put poo in Lindsey's desk way back in season one, it would have spared him a lot of heartache later.

I think that's everything so far. I went to a show last night, but it sucked. I would rather have stayed at home and watched the adventures of the Bald Man. Probably that is what I will do tonight.

It turned out I wasn't sick after all - I was having an allergic reaction to a new perfume Hayley was trying out. Buzz and Johnny had the exact same reactions - once she'd washed it off, Buzz and I were fine, but poor Johnny has ended up with a rash on one side of his face, presumably because of the three of us, he's the only one sharing a bed with her.

It's a shame, because based on the first few whiffs I got before my airways closed up and my lips turned blue, it actually smelt pretty good. I would have been tempted to buy a bottle if it didn't induce hideous death within minutes of inhalation.

Anyway, I went to see Harry Potter, and it was... okay. I should say at this point that I haven't read the last book, and I've missed at least one, probably two of the films, so I was a bit lost on some stuff. Like, what the fuck is going on with abused wife!Lucius? Oh Lucius, what happened to you?! You were always my favourite, with your snarky tone and sneery face and silky hair and general magnificent bastardry, and now... you guys, he's the Harry Potter franchise equivilent to Butters from South Park. Seriously dudes, Draco is cooler than him now.

Also, for the record, if I ever come across some dude who is dying, I really hope he doesn't ( Read more... )

Neville was the man, of course, and Professor McGonagall once again proved conclusively that you do not fuck with Maggie Smith - she fucks with you.

I love Helena Bonham Carter so much. I want to lick her face. I bet she would taste like epic, mixed with crazygold. I loved that bit when ( Read more... ) and the tottering on her high heels was hilarious. And while I love her outfit, I'm not sure that it's practical when having a big old slaughter-the-little-children-fest in a magical forest. Then again, I've never killed a bunch of teenagers in a forest or anywhere else, so what do I know?

I thought Ralph Fiennes actually kind of sucked as Voldermort, but then maybe it's hard to emote with half your face edited off. There's a scene where he goes all aggro on some random Death Eater and shrieks out that killing curse thing, and it's completely phoned in. I was like, oh please, Voldermort - I get angrier than that when I find out someone has eaten the last packet of blueberries! I could totally be a better villian than him, and I would let poor Jason Isaacs get his shave on, too. What a douchebag.

Anyway dudes, that's my thoughts on the last ever HP movie - I'm going to go take a shower and then watch Peter Pan and enjoy Jason Isaacs being appropriately piratey and beautiful and well-groomed.