...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

My mum just let my fifteen-year-old cousin, who has never been to the Isle of Man before, go for a bike ride, alone, along our crumbling, badly-signposted, extremely windy coastal footpaths. He's totally going to come back dead - an Isle of Man zombie, doomed to remain here in perpetual torment, denied even the sweet release of the final death.

And no, before anyone starts, he can't do a Pirates of the Caribbean and just walk along the bottom of the ocean to return to civilization, because while it worked for zombies back in the powdered-wig days, today the seas are just too polluted and would strip his fragile zombie flesh from his bones in under an hour.

I suppose he could ride a jetski to the mainland, though. OH MY GOD, zombies on jetskis - best idea for a TV show ever.

OH GOD I love that Peter Pan movie! I mean, I was already aware of this fact since it's shelved on the top lefthand side of my DVD collection, which is where I stack my most-loved stuff for easy acess, but I just watched it again and it's like ALL OF MY LIFE I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO GET ENOUGH DISTANCE ON THIS FILM SO THAT I CAN WATCH IT AGAIN AND HAVE ALL OF MY LOVE COME FLOODING BACK TO ME!

Jeremy Sumpter is so awesome, you guys. I sometimes totally forget about him because I am too busy admiring the wonderfulness of Jason Isaacs, but he is a fucking amazing actor. That bit right at the end where Hook lets the crocodile eat him, and as he resigns himself to his fate there's a shot of Peter closing his eyes and saluting with his sword, and it is magnificent and wonderful and just so great I have no words!

What happened to Jeremy Sumpter, anyway? I kind of assumed he would go on to be in like eight million things after Peter Pan, but I never saw him again. Has anyone else seen him in something other than Peter Pan? I demand to know why he is not currently improving the quality of the many TV shows I watch by appearing in them and actually portraying emotion and stuff. Shame on you, Jeremy Sumpter, you'd better not be fucking dead or appearing on reality TV or something else hideous and awful!

Also, I saw the trailer for the new Sherlock Holmes movie, and apart from inexplicable Rocky Horror!Downey Junior, it looked pretty good. I normally want to kill Jude Law, but RDJ has this weird super-power where he makes normally unbearable people slightly tolerable by his presence - see also Gweneth Paltrow in the Iron Man movies.

One more thing that I completely love that has nothing to do with the rest of this post - that bit in Twin Peaks where those Swedish dudes come to stay at the Great Northern and they make loads of noise and wake Cooper up, and he's super pissy and ranting into his little dictaphone thing to Diane about it and after he asks for her to send him earplugs, he's like "I didn't expect to need them on this trip, but as you can hear..." and he holds the recorder up in complete silence for a few seconds to record the noise and then he clicks it off in this really definitive, "so there!" kind of way, and all the way through the scene he has this AWESOMELY grumpy face on him and it's BRILLIANT.

I just wanted to share that with you all. I love Agent Cooper's grumpy face. One day I hope my grumpy face can reach such heights of grumpiness. It is unlikely, but still something to strive for.

It turned out I wasn't sick after all - I was having an allergic reaction to a new perfume Hayley was trying out. Buzz and Johnny had the exact same reactions - once she'd washed it off, Buzz and I were fine, but poor Johnny has ended up with a rash on one side of his face, presumably because of the three of us, he's the only one sharing a bed with her.

It's a shame, because based on the first few whiffs I got before my airways closed up and my lips turned blue, it actually smelt pretty good. I would have been tempted to buy a bottle if it didn't induce hideous death within minutes of inhalation.

Anyway, I went to see Harry Potter, and it was... okay. I should say at this point that I haven't read the last book, and I've missed at least one, probably two of the films, so I was a bit lost on some stuff. Like, what the fuck is going on with abused wife!Lucius? Oh Lucius, what happened to you?! You were always my favourite, with your snarky tone and sneery face and silky hair and general magnificent bastardry, and now... you guys, he's the Harry Potter franchise equivilent to Butters from South Park. Seriously dudes, Draco is cooler than him now.

Also, for the record, if I ever come across some dude who is dying, I really hope he doesn't ( Read more... )

Neville was the man, of course, and Professor McGonagall once again proved conclusively that you do not fuck with Maggie Smith - she fucks with you.

I love Helena Bonham Carter so much. I want to lick her face. I bet she would taste like epic, mixed with crazygold. I loved that bit when ( Read more... ) and the tottering on her high heels was hilarious. And while I love her outfit, I'm not sure that it's practical when having a big old slaughter-the-little-children-fest in a magical forest. Then again, I've never killed a bunch of teenagers in a forest or anywhere else, so what do I know?

I thought Ralph Fiennes actually kind of sucked as Voldermort, but then maybe it's hard to emote with half your face edited off. There's a scene where he goes all aggro on some random Death Eater and shrieks out that killing curse thing, and it's completely phoned in. I was like, oh please, Voldermort - I get angrier than that when I find out someone has eaten the last packet of blueberries! I could totally be a better villian than him, and I would let poor Jason Isaacs get his shave on, too. What a douchebag.

Anyway dudes, that's my thoughts on the last ever HP movie - I'm going to go take a shower and then watch Peter Pan and enjoy Jason Isaacs being appropriately piratey and beautiful and well-groomed.

Oh, I forgot to mention, POTC4 also had Cougar pretending to be the King of Spain, for no particular reason that I could determine. Probably he just took it on for the chance to wear a new yet equally beautiful hat.

Hopefully this was a teaser for the Losers 2, in which Cougar will pretend to be the King of Spain and wear a great hat. I would watch that, especially if it dovetailed into Idris Elba and Daddy Winchester being pirates

Has anyone else seen the trailer for that Sky Atlantic movie, Neverland? I'm sort of intrigued. Probably it won't be as awesome as the 2003 version with Jason Isaacs, but it might be as good as something that doesn't have Jason Isaacs in can hope to be.

Apparently there's another Peter Pan reimagining next year where Peter is a killin' dude and Hook is trying to catch him. That sounds pretty retarded, but it has the kid from Sleepwalking in it, so who knows?

Also, I saw Pirates of the Caribbean 4 today. It was okay - I didn't come out of it feeling like I'd just wasted two hours of my life, but for a movie that has Johnny Depp and Ian McShane, it wasn't anything like as awesome as I thought it should be. Also, the missionary and the mermaid were so pointless and uninteresting, it actually made me miss Keira Knightley and the gay blacksmith. Unworthy.

Anyways, I think I'm going to go for a swim and get some seaweed to hide in my brothers shoes, so laters!

I am an incredibly lazy person. This is not me getting down on myself, this is just me stating a fact. Personally, professionally, physically, I am lazy to the extreme. It extends to fandom, too - I spend a lot of time watching the movies or reading the books, and probably just as long viewing the various fan-creations that go along with it, but I never contribute anything myself. A lot of the time, I don't even leave comments or feedback, even if I thought it was really awesome. Adding it to my favourites is about as much effort as I care to put in.

And that's a shame, because there are people out there who really do make the effort, who go that extra mile and put the time in writing fics, drawing pictures, making stupid marcoes that put a smile on my face at the end of a long day. You make my fandoms so much more entertaining, and a lot of the time I've clicked out of your LJ without even taking the time to say thank you. I'd like to say that will change in the future, but let's face it, that's a whole lot of work that I can't be doing with, so why lie?

SO this is for you, my own personal unsung heroes of fandom. Without you, my time on the Internets would be a little less sexy, a little less funny, and a little less sick-and-wrong. You deserve my thanks, but what you're getting are Pirates In Paint. I would do more, but I want to go watch the Lost Boys again. Sorry.

( Read more... )

So, before I start my traditional "it's payday so get thyself to ye olde internet cafe and pay off your credit card bill while swearing never to overindulge in spendthriftery ever again as long as you live, wench" missive, I would like to point out that if you don't read Philip Reeve's Larklight right away, you will burst into flames from lack of PURE AWESOME. Space! Space giant spiders! Space Queen Victoria! Space pirates! Space corsets! Space houses in space! It's full of greatness and space. It even has drawings. Truly, it could not be a better book even if it had Johnny Depp, and surely there can be no higher praise than that.

Christmas, while lacking in the third season of Miami Vice, was nonetheless a pleasent affair of not being at work, eating mince pies and watching such festive themed delights as the Thief Lord, (it has snow!) Doctor Who, (the Christmas Invasion, so it totally counts, and Fiyero is so blatently gay it is unbelievable) that episode of Bones where they all get locked in the lab on Christmas Eve and Dave gets high on antibiotics* and Hodgins is revealed to have a suprisingly good body for a ginger person... and then I got bored of Christmas and watched That 70s Show and Eerie, Indiana instead. And Fitzcairn was in That 70s Show, and I think it's a sign that God wants me to buy Highlander again. So it was fun, and quiet, and generally very joyous.

But then! Oh Boxing Day, the drama of it all. See, I had to work, but none of the buses were running. So I arranged to get a lift with one of the girls I work with, and I'm standing on a street corner at eight in the morning, freezing my ass off, when I am approached by a very large, very black, very heavily-accented man who asks me if I'm okay. So I say that yes, I'm fine, I'm just waiting for someone. So he asks if I'm working, and I reply that I am. And then he asks if I have a place we can go, apparently under the impression that ladies of the night work at eight in the morning on Boxing Day. No, no, say I, I didn't mean that sort of working. I'm waiting for a lift, for my job which is in an office. So he walks off some distance down the street, and I try to stop my knees from shaking and use my psychic powers to get Jayni out of bed. Alas, to no avail. Sleazy McUseswhores returns, and asks if he can have my number. I say that's not a good idea, and that I have a boyfriend. Sleazy replies that he could make me happy (because every woman wants a guy who uses prostitutes and assume that any unaccompanied female out in public must be on the game) and that I have beautiful long hair. I do that quick, panicky, "Oh God help me I'm going to be found raped and strangled in a ditch in Beeston and I know I said I'd do anything to get out of work but not this please Jayni hurry the fuck up!" equivilent of a smile, and Sleazy continues that perhaps I need a knight in shining armour to cut my hair for me, and at that point I fake a text message, babble an excuse and run all the way back to my house.

And then Jayni didn't show up at all, so I had to get a lift with another girl who didn't start until ten, and then I had to walk home from Horsforth and I got lost and ended up in about twenty million industrial estates, and then Holbeck, but eventually I got back so it was okay. And nobody else thought I was a hooker.

Anyway, that was pretty much the stand-out moment since I last wrote, and now I must go home and immerse myself in Torchwood, having done the traditional pay-day shopping trip and coffee with Hot Allocator Girl (whose number I have finally got, go me!) and perhaps do some Hoovering or similar domestic tasks. Although, probably not.

*And while we are on the subject of Dave, Snithy, I rewatched that scene with him and Goodman and their pillows were not touching so you just keep your filthification to yourself, thank you. Dave/Goodman is wrong. Because, the squints are like a super-awesome family in which Goodman is the Daddy and thus Dave/Goodman is incestuous and cross-generational and generally too horrible to contemplate.

ALSO! Before I forget, I am offering FIFTEEN Pirates of Joy for the person who writes me Lex/Bray slash. FIFTEEN! Just think what you could do with so many pirates.

Although Trust Fund Pirates is, all in all, a fairly piss-poor episode (Snithy, keep your snide remarks about the general quality of a MV epside to yourself or I'll text you Sloth quotes at six in the morning), it does have one redeeming quality in the shape of Rico's weird Thing about pirates. Like that scene where they're looking at the photographs of Mueller and whatever, and Rico's all like, "Where's the eypatch?" and Sonny laughs like he's joking but you can tell Rico is totally disappointed, and then they meet the DJ bloke and he actually does wear an eyepatch and Rico is all FANGIRLY FLAIL! while Sonny looks vaguely embarrassed in the background and it's awesome because Rico is totally gay for pirates.

In other news, FList, you suck. You are all off my Christmas card list for not helping me win the War on Robson. Not that I actually have a Christmas card list or, in fact, ever send out Christmas cards, but if I did? By golly, you'd be off it.

Big Wolf on Campus makes Miami Vice references! It can't be natural to be as pleased by this as I am, but come on, "Next week we'll be discussing the rise and fall of Don Johnson"? Mr D, you are my hero even if you do eat cute monkeys and pick fights with teenaged boys dressed as Micheal Jackson!

In other news, my Gay Pirate Book* has arrived, courtesy of Liam Neeson and Royal Mail, along with the second season of Miami Vice (OMG, that dude stole his Ferrari! Kill him, Elvis!) and the first season of Drawn Together. Not that this prevented me splurging on the Chronicals of Narnia boxset in Computer Exchange and discussing the Neverending Story with the cashier, but still, that should satisfy my entertainment needs until the third season of XM:E comes out.

*Captain Hook: the Adventures of a Notorious Youth, by JV Hart and illustrated by the guy who illustrates the Lemony Snicket books. I'm on a Peter Pan kick this week.