...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

Daylight Savings Time is fucking retarded. I would refuse to abide by it, but I fear being trapped in a timeloop and becoming a crazy milkman who gets his kicks from messing with lost children. Also getting fired for showing up late for work for the next six months.

In other news, you know what else would make the new BSG way more awesome? Introducing a Cylon version of Jack Simpson. Cry, Lee! Cry like you haven't cried since you were an ickle midshipman in the British navy! Mwahahaha!

Oh, and Cally is totally the Imperious Leader. You just wait and see.

I have decided that from this point on, whenever Lee Adama talks, I'm going to imagine him sounding like GIR from Invader Zim. It's the only way to control my increasing irritation at his almost unbelievable skill at getting on my nerves. I think somebody needs to replace Adama with like, movie!Denethor or Big Daddy Luthor (only as a temporary measure, of course, since it would be a crime against humanity to lose the Pure Awesomeness that is EJO!Adama), just to give Lee an example of what it's really like having an asshole for a father. Plus, it would be absolutely hilarious, next time Lee tries to beat his dad with the Stick of Zakguilt, if Adama just turned round and said he wished Lee had died instead. Absolute fucking smackdown. Man, I would love to see that.

I'm still gutted by the discovery that Rollo Weeks played Mini-Gerard in Attila. Sometimes the IMDB is a curse, I tell you.

And now, it's time for fun with memes:

List six of your favourite shows

1. Firefly
2. BSG (new)
3. Kim Possible
4. Weekenders
5. Deadwood
6. BSG (original)

( Spoilers for Serenity and the second season of Deadwood )

It's here, it's here, it's fucking here! Six days after Play emailed me to let me know it had been dispatched, I now hold in my hands the deliciously molesterable Rollo Weeks a copy of the Thief Lord movie. YES! Hot underage boylove is mine in both fullscreen and widescreen formats. Sadly, the deleted scenes failed to include a Scipio/Prosper snogfest, but I don't care, because I know it happened and that's all that matters.

I was wondering how they were going to handle the after-effects of the roundabout, and I gotta say, that thing with using the original actors voices as their child-selves was just retarded. Especially Barbarossa - even leaving aside the fact that that kid looked like the Anti-Christ (and not a cute Anti-Christ like Adam Young or Damien in the first two Omen movies), that voice would have made any sane person run for the hills. But then again, the movie!Esther and Max were fucking psychotic, so it's probably a fair match.

Speaking of Adam Young, Jasper Harris? Bang on the money. If they ever get around to making Good Omens into a film, dear God, let him be cast. He's such a cutie; that whole "You forgot something important; it's under my jumper... it's me!" made me want to hug him and feed him sugar cookies and let him play with William Bullock in the land of Kids Who Are Just Too Damn Cute For My Black Heart To Withstand. They can throw rocks at Jake Lloyd and that stupid kid from the BSG mini-series from where they sit in the ajoining land of Kids I Hate And Should Be Thrown Out Of Airlocks After Being Eaten By A Fucking Annoying Robodog. What the hell was going on with Bo hallucinating about those animals, though? Uh, Prop, I think someone's been slipping your kid brother LSD on the sly...

For some reason, Vanessa Redgrave - who is in the film for like, twenty seconds - is the only cast member named on the back of the case, presumably because it's better than writing "starring that dude who was in the Scarlet Pimpernel and a bunch of Hornblower alumni that you've probably never heard of unless you're a total nerd who whores for Jamie Bamber in breeches". But seriously, what the hell? Why not just write "cast of rising young stars", because I guaran-fucking-tee, we'll be hearing from Rollo Weeks again when I kidnap him for my own depraved purposes and his parents start a campaign to rescue their poor, sweet child from my clutches.

More to come later on meeting John Connolly, the second season of Deadwood, and why Dan Dority needs to marry me like right the hell now.

A delicious and Jamie Bamber-themed day. It is probably a testement to his skill as an actor that despite my intense love for him, I still find Lee Adama unbelievably annoying. Every time he gets upset he makes this face like... okay, have you watched Team America? The scene where Gary is infiltrating the terrorist meeting and he's in the Jeep being chased by TA and he's making that danger signal that is basically him waving his arms and making spaztic faces? That is what Lee looks like every time he tries to have an emotion. A retarded puppet.

Also am highly amused that Gaius is in the Scarlet Pimpernel, sporting exactly the same greasy mop of hair that he does in BSG.

Those of you who are familiar with Escaflowne: Zaibach Strikes Back Stargate: Atlantis should all go here and download the most awesome music video known to man. Boy, those Wraith sure do love Pointy. For my part, although Bob definatly has the rugged bad-boy vibe down, with his dreads and manly strut and facial tattoos, Steve is the one I'd bring home to meet my parents. You know, if I didn't think he'd eat them.

The new Battlestar Galactica makes me sad. Mostly, I suspect, because I want Apollo to be some kind of Ickle Midshipman Archie In Space, and instead he's just some whiny whiner guy who happens to look like Ickle Midshipman Archie but with muscles and non-cute hair. And no Welsh Bloke to slash it up with.

In other news, went to see Dukes of Hazzard last week. It was very enjoyable (though Stifler!Bo is not a patch on real!Bo, and Sean Williams-Scott annoys me by having eyebrows that don't match his hair), but they showed the Serenity trailer right before it and so was overshadowed by OMFG SERENITY TRAILER SQUEE! Space! Pirate-cowboys! Indecently tight pants! Jayne! Waistcoats! Jayne! Vera! Jayne! Ninjas! Jayne! And did I mention... Jayne! I do love me some Jayne.

Also, the 40 Year Old Virgin looks to be the lamest film since... some other lame film that I made fun of but have forgotten about. Seriously, if I wanted to see a film about a middle aged guy who can't get any tail, I'd go and watch Phantom of the Opera again.

Just out of interest, how many eternities in Hell would a person get if, hypothetically speaking, she was to find the idea of Eeeeeeeeevil Jack Simpson/Ickle Midshipman Archie hot?

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Raise your hand if you spend Thursday night transfixed by the strip of Jamie Bamber's stomach that kept showing under his shirt.

Now, raise it again if you're going to repeat the experiance this Wednesday.

Oh, Jamie Bamber. For you, I totally renounce all other actors.

For the next couple of days, anyway.

*bounce*

*bouncebounce*

*bouncebouncebounce*

So.

Guess who has tickets to see Jamie "Ickle Midshipman Archie" Bamber in Dr Faustus this Thursday?

Hint: it's me.

Oh yeah. I so rock.

If any of you non-Jamie Bamber-seeing hobogorns wants me to pick up a programme or something, email me your address at snufkin_owns_you @yahoo.co.uk (without the gap, obviously). Except Hex, who is a WHORE and gets nothing. NOTHING. No Jamie Bamber for you.

SCANDALACIOUS!

Why is there no Nicolas/Smike slash out there, ready to display itself in wanton poses at my very feet? I am disgusted with the whole world.

I've also decided to make my own film. It'll be called Space Pope: Defender of the Faith and in it, the Pope will fly around in a Space Helmet fighting Space Sin. The part of the Pope will be played by some old guy for the first few minutes, then, after Space Captain Jack (played by Russel Crowe, or, if he's not available, Stellen Skarsgård) rejuvinates him with the power of Space Magic, James D'Arcy.

Space Pope will also have two sidekicks, one a snarky Italian with long blonde hair, played by Craig Parker, the other a manly stubbled sort, possibly with a Scottish accent, probably played by an unknown. And yes, they will be working for a Sooper Sekrit Vatican Organisation. Unfortunatly, they'll be killed by a jiggly Space Nazi called Piggysaurus approximately ten minutes into the film. Fortunatly, Craig Parker will still show up throughout the film as a Space Ghost to snark at James D'Arcy and generally be smexsome, because unlike Peter Jackson, I am not a cruel Haldir-killing whore.

I'm not sure what happens after that, but I know it involves James D'Arcy and Colin Farrel having le fun du nekkid in the shower. Dominic Monaghan and Paul Bettany shall probably also be involved, although not necessarily all at the same time, and naturally there needs to be a Space Captain Jack versus Knavishly Uncool Mitten-Wearing Twat Hornblower sequence in there somewhere. Major Edrington survives, because he's Sam West and I like him. Archie dies, because that is the curse of Jamie Bamber.