...way out on the corner of fucked up and evil...

This is very fucking sad. I am that starved for entertainment, I've been reduced to watching Revenge of the Sith. And not for Hayden Christensen in eyeliner, but because it's one of the only things I've got left. I'm going to end up like Bleh in Drawn Together, only instead of I Am Sam reviews, I'll speak soley in horrendous George Lucas-penned dialogue. "You were my brother! I loved you!" "Gone is the boy you knew." "There's still good in him, Obi... I can feel it..."

In keeping with the holiday spirit, and to make up for the fact that the journal has been sadly lacking in news of chocolate or duckies or Zombie Jesus over the weekend, I present to you:



( Read more... )

I knew if I waited long enough, eventually the price of RotS would drop to a point where it's commensurate with the film's actual value. Although it's a good thing I rate films on factors like "has pretty boys wearing eyeliner" and "features horrific yet massively amusing maimings", otherwise I'd have to wait for someone to pay me to take it off their hands.

On the subject of old fandoms - Goddamnit I still can't find that porn! - you know what has stood the test of time remarkably well? The Digimon fandom. I am of course referring to the first two seasons, and not the travesty that was collectable cards and a fucking horrible red dinosaur, but seriously, it is so gratifying to realise that, long after it's been taken off the air and despite the fact that you don't own the tapes or DVDs, a person can still carry a massive torch for the Digimon Kaiser. And that you still laugh when anyone mentions Wormmon, Davish or Goth TK.

Heh. Wormmon.

Aww man, Rollo Weeks was in the Little Vampire. Now I really am going to kill myself. Or maybe go back in time and stop him from starring in shitty movies that I watched because I had a crush on various leading actors (Richard E. Grant, you freaks, not that stupid little brat from Jerry Maguire). But then it would be like that episode of the Simpsons where Homer keeps going back in time and changing the course of history in unexpected and disturbing ways, and when I got back to 2006, Scipio would be played by Daniel Radcliffe and Jake Lloyd would be playing Bo, and I'd be like, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and Hayden Christensen would cry because everyone gets to say that line except him. You want some ointment for that burn, Hayden Christensen?

In other news, whenever I hear that Darren Hayes song, "Creeping Up On You", it totally reminds me of Pietro and Sp-ke from X-Men: Evolution. I'm not sure when Sp-ke made the transition from "annoying X Tard with lame powers, stupid hair and stupider name" to "stalker", but there you go. Man, I love that show. I wish the WB had released all of it on DVD - I want to see Lance randomly bitchslapping Pietro with an armchair and Pyro watching that video of Magneto bite it over and over while giggling psychotically and that old guy glomping Toad in the subway again. Sigh. I bet it'll be like Gargoyles or EI and it'll get released when I'm like, forty, and I'll be all, "I remember when this first aired" and my many cats will be like, "Whatever. Feed us tuna now plzkthx."

First of all, let it be known that BT are fucking weasel-felching monkey rapists, and I hope everyone connected with them dies a painful and fiery death, possibly involving lava, severed limbs, and Hayden Christensen's inability to act.

I wonder who would win in a battle of crappy acting, Hayden Christensen or Tom Welling? Hmm...

Secondly, Round the Twist is out on DVD? Why did nobody inform me of this most awesome fact sooner? Like, before I spent all my money on Stargate DVDs and historial novel porn? You people fail at the internets, yo.

Thirdly, speaking of Stargate, how much did they steal the plot of SG:A from the Vision of Escaflowne? I hope the Wraith steal Jinto and turn him into a vain, gender-confused pyromaniac who develops a weird psuedo-sexual obsession with... I dunno, Pointy? Smalls? Jinto is actually the only name I remember, except for Steve and Bob. Still, I hope something bad happens to Jinto, just so I can laugh at Beard's anguish at the loss of his precious son.

My predictions for future plotlines: Either Skeletor or Busty McMidriff develop psychic powers. Scottish Doctor gets his arm bitten off and replaced by a metal claw and becomes evil, only not really, and also has lesbian catgirls. Pointy grows wings and pilots a giant robot! Sir Issaac Newton is the King of the Wraith! Smalls and Fluffy-Haired Doctor totally get it on already! More stuff! Giant robots! Flying galleons! Floating fortres- oh, wait, already had that one... More stuff! Noses you could ski down! Machines that control fate! Freaky experiments with blood cultures- oh wait, had that one too...

And a soundtrack by Yoko Kanno. Because I have a need for Yoko Kanno that Wolf's Rain and Escaflowne are failing to satisfy.

And did I mention, Smalls and Fluffy-Haired Doctor so need to get it on?

Meme stolen from imbeiaiel:

Ask me for "top five" lists of pretty much anything, and I will list you my top five of that thing or things.

Copy and give your own top fives.

So, rather than do the sensible thing and get an early night in preparation for a twelve-hour work day tomorrow (Boo!), I have decided to sit up and eat muffins and watch Shattered Glass, also known to some poor, deluded souls as "That Film What Proves Hayden Christensen Can Act". As far as I'm concerned, the only thing it's proven is that Hayden Christensen should never be trusted with a role that demands anything from him besides "pout", "wear eyeliner" and "kill small children".

Bollocks, I'm going to watch Life as a House. Play to your strengths, young Skywalker! Bat those eyelashes!

Now that my exams are over, I've been trying to come up with a sequel to Of Stuffed Unicorns and Stretchmarks. Unfortunatly, though I have ideas a-plenty, the giant sign in my head that says "Babies = Bad" is stopping any of them from really getting off the ground. So in the grand tradition of flaky New Age-types and Star Wars nerds alike, I decided to try meditation. Let's just say, it was not my best idea ever...

Froodle: *communing with the Force*
Force: Howdy. What can I do you for?
Froodle: Oh Force, I fear I have accidently written myself into a literary cul-de-sac...
Force: You know what you need? To kidnap Ewan McGregor and Hayden Christensen and force them to have sex at gunpoint.
Froodle: Um...
Force: Oh come on. That would be totally hot.
Froodle: Well, yes, but...
Force: Search your feelings. You know this to be true.
Froodle: ...wait a minute. You're not the Force at all! You're Darth Vader!
Darth Vader: Damn.
Froodle: What are you doing in my head, Darth Vader?
Darth Vader: Nothin'.
Froodle: You've killed my subconscious, haven't you? That's why my story is going all wrong.
Darth Vader: No...
Froodle: Liar.
Darth Vader: Froodle. I am your subconscious.
Froodle: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Darth Vader: *slices off Froodle's hand*
Froodle: Awww, crap. Now how am I going to write?
Darth Vader: Deal with it.
Froodle: Man you suck, Darth Vader.

Stupid Darth Vader.